Miscarriage – Breaking the silence, this is our story.

I recently had a miscarriage. I am not sure how or what to feel or say to anyone.  Reading up on it a bit I learned that 1 out of every 4 pregnancy’s ends in a miscarriage. Odds are is that you know people (both mother and father) who have gone through a miscarriage. So if it happens so often, why don’t we talk about it more? Why when I opened up and told people that I just had a miscarriage is when they say, “oh yes I had one _____”?  How many others of my friends have suffered this loss in silence? 

I am breaking my silence! I wanted another baby so bad. Many things factored into why it took so long. But when I took the test – I was ALL smiles! I was so happy. My husband was worried about money and providing for another mouth, but he was happy too.  I knew I was PG before I missed my period. With my last PG I had gestational diabetes real bad. I recognized the symptoms of the gestational diabetes and decided to test for being PG 1 day before my missed period. YIPPIE! I was PG. I jumped into action changed into eating my last gestational diabetes diet, VERY strict, and then I got the Dr’s appointment’s rolling. By the time I was 7 weeks along I was on insulin again. By the time I was 8 weeks and at my first ultra sound appointment I had 8 baby related Dr’s visits! We saw the heartbeat on Tuesday, we were so happy! But I had already started spotting (that had never had with any of my other PG’s) and asked about it, they looked close at the ultra sound and said it looked like implantation bleeding making its way out. 

I was very worried about a miscarriage because my PG’s are so bad that I SUFFER through each and every day, in the short time I had been PG it already seemed like a VERY long time. It isn’t easy, eating certain foods, certain amount’s at certain times a day, every day. Shots every night for months on end. It is HARD to do, but worth it in the end.  I wanted to do everything I could to keep this baby. I was told that this early on the PG will either stick or it won’t, there is nothing to be done this early.  So I went home and prayed for more strength to be able to endure and for the health of me and the new baby.

Friday my husband had gone to the next town over, when I began to miscarry.  I was at home, with my 2 year old for about 1 ½  hours waiting for hubby to get home, with my 2 year old sitting on my lap as I sat on the toilet. (1 month later when my 2 yr old sees a feminine pad he still say’s “mama boo-boo?”)  I called the Dr and they wanted me to wait until the next day to see what happens. (I argued and got in before the end of the day)  I knew it was no longer implantation bleeding. I knew it was a miscarriage. But I didn’t want to believe it. My husband got home, and I called my neighbor to watch my kids.  She is the MOST wonderful lady in the word, she was just coming home from the ER where she had dropped off her husband, and had to take care of her small kids and get a baby sitter for them so she could go back to the ER to be with her husband, I didn’t find this out until later, she is WONDERFUL and I am so thankful for a friend like that – I love you Ali!

My husband and I got to the Dr’s office and I have to wait in there restroom for my  turn to be scene. They did another ultra sound – no heartbeat. They took my husband out of the room and did the DNC.  To be short and save you all from that story – It hurt, it took too long and then our baby was gone.

Then we had to tell the family and friends who knew about the new baby. Worst of all was telling our 5 year old that the new baby got sick and went to go live with Jesus.   Later that night, our gold fish died too.

I didn’t get to rest or morn. We were in the middle of a move. And it wasn’t an easy move … it was temporary. My parents bought a house with an apartment basement. We are moving into the top of the house and fixing up the basement. When that is done we will move into the basement and my parents will be moving (900 miles) up here and live on top.  I was still doing the inspections and everything that needed to be done to help them buy the house. I was packing what we would need in the next 3 months, and storing everything else, so I just couldn’t let someone come in and pack everything for me since we were not going to unpack everything. Then I still had my regular wife and mother duties. 

And no one talks about this part at all … my husband was/is very sad and depressed about the loss of our baby. Why don’t we ever consider the feeling of the FATHER of these lost babies?  

Yesterday was 4 weeks ago that I miscarried.  Our temporary move is done (but now the work begins on the basement so we can move down there). And now I am just spent. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to cook for my family. I let the kids watch TV all day and avoid doing anything I don’t have to do to survive. My birthday was a few days ago, and I didn’t feel anything.

From the DAY we realized we were pregnant with another sweet spirit to come and bless our home, we were happy. We were talking names, where would the new baby sleep, what baby items we needed to get (since we had sold much of it when we moved up here a year and half ago) I had already started buying some maternity clothes since it’s so much cheaper to get them on eBay then brand new. I had bought a few items brand new the weekend before the miscarriage. It was SO HARD to return them, I even considered never returning them, but I couldn’t do that to my family, $120 is a lot of money to us, and I knew I needed to suck it up so I could spend that money on the kids that were still with us. That baby had been a part of our family, every day. Our whole lives had changed in 2 short months. Our eating had changed, Dr;s appointments every few days, picking out paint for the new home with the baby in mind.

And now there is a whole in our lives. I should be finishing my 1^st trimester; instead I just had one of the worst periods of my life. I am forcing myself to get out of bed each day and smile for my family members. Cooking food for my family is harder than it has ever been in my life. And I still need to get up and find the energy to fix up our new home so it’s a nice place for my family to live.

For those who have suffered this loss, tell your family and friends, they can help you through it, even if they don’t know what to say or to do for you. For those who have been lucky enough not to suffer this make the effort to tell that person you care.  An “I don’t know what to say or do for you, but I care for you” goes a LONG way for people who are suffering from or through ANYTHING.

Please let’s break this silence!  I saw our baby’s heartbeat; the baby was alive and loved. We never got to hold our child, but its absence is felt every day. And every day I am about 3 seconds from tears.  I believe that one day we will see our baby in heaven, but that doesn’t help today get any easier for me or my husband.

Lemon Greek Chicken Spinach Rice - Diebetic friendly!

YUMMY! Yea, I forgot to take pictures before we dove in and gobbled it up. It was very tasty!

1 c chopped onion
1 package (10 Oz) frizen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 c quick cooking brown rice, uncooked. (I used day old cooked brown rice)
1 c water (only use is using UNcooked brown rice)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
12 onces chicken tenders
2 teaspoons dried greek seasoning (oregano, rosemary and sage misture)
1/2 teaspoon salt free lemon pepper
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
1 med lemon, cut into wedges. (* I didnt have fresh lemons - so I poored some bottled lemon juice over the top and backed it in .... worked just fine!)

Preheat over to 350 degrees. In a large skillet put some oil in the pan, heat on med heat. add chopped onions and cook stirring frequatly untill translucent.  THen add spinach, rice (water if using it) salt and red pepper. stir untill blended.

Pour mixture into a cassarole dish, add chicken on top in a single layer. drizzle (or poor) lemon juice.  Sprinkle with greek seasons and lemon pepper. Cover with aluminum foilf. Back 25 mins or untill chicken is no longer pink in the center.

Serve with lemon wedges. Makes 4 servings.

Udon Noodle Salad Vegan

Udon Noodle Salad Vegan (SUPER yumm, non vegans will love it!)

20 snow peas, trimmer

1 8oz package udon noodles

2 T rice vinegar

2 T reduced sodium Soy sauce (I used reg)

2 t fresh minced ginger (left out)

2 garlic cloves minced

1 t agave nectar

½ t chili paste (I used powder)

1 ½ c seeded, chopped English cucumber

1 c shredder carrot

1 c chopped red bell pepper

6 scallions, sliced

1 Bring a large pot full of water to a boil. Drop in the snow peas and cook for about 30 seconds or until bright green but still crisp. Immediately remove from boiling water with a slotted spoon and plunge into cold water to stop the cooking. When cool, drain and pat dry with a paper towel. Set aside.

2 Cook udon noodles according to package directions (you can use the same pot of boiling water that u used for the peas) Drain and rinse under cold water to stop the cooking.

3 In a small bowl, combine the vinegar, soy sauce, ginger, garlic, agave nectar, and chili paste. Stir with a whisk.

4 Toss the noodle with about half of the dressing. Place dressed noodles on a platter. Combine the snow peas, cucumbers, carrot, bell pepper and scallions in a large bowl and toss with remaining dressing. Top noodles with veggies and serve.

(I put it all in a big bowl, covered everything with dressing and tossed it and served.)

Note* I think next time I will double the veggies and the dressing. : )

Cinnamon Sugar Raisin Dinner Rolls Vegan

This is a favorite recipe of mine from childhood. But it wasn’t Vegan, thankfully after 2 tries and we have rolls almost exactly the same as the ones I ate growing up. Yummy!  (My kids didn’t even notice the change!)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

In same measuring cup:

½ c Water

1 c Rice Milk (plain no flavor)

Microwave for 2 mins or until boiling.

Put into mixer:

1/3 c Vegetable shorting

Poor liquid on top and let sit for about 2 mins to start to soften and melt the shortening

Add:

¼ c Sugar

1 t Table salt

1 Flax egg (1 T flax meal and 3 T water) – mix in a separate bowl for 1 min then add

4 cups of flour (I used bread flour)

1 packet of rapid rise yeast (make a small hole in the flour and poor the yeast in it away from water.

Turn mixer on low for 5 mins. – this will take care of the rising and make our start to finish time shorter)

Lightly flour your working surface (having lived in apartments most of my adult life – I can tell you a Formica counter top works great – just please clean it well first!).  When you pick the dough up form it into a bit of a tube, lay it down on the flour and roll out a rectangle.  About 10 inches wide and a foot or a smidge more long.

Drizzle some canola oil on top of the rolled out dough. Sprinkle cinnamon sugar lightly over the whole top surface.  Then add raisin about a heaping cups worth.  Start at one of the long sides and roll up to look like a foot long roll.  Cut 1 inch sections and place in  a lightly sprayed muffin pan.

Bake for 10-18 mins until tops are golden brown.  Let cool, they come out hot!

Makes 12 rolls.

Baked Cream Cheese Wontons

OK - I had all this in my fridge and decided to treat myself (and my family).  They are super easy and people will be amazed when you make these for them!

Preheat oven to 350 degree F
Spray a mini muffin tray
Place a wonton in about half of the holders

In a bowl combine
1 8oz cream cheese (softened)
3 green onions finely sliced
3-6 cloves garlic pressed (depending on the clove size and your love of garlic, I used 6)

Spoon a small portion of cream cheese mixture into each wonton. after they are full just bring the edged of the wontons up and together.

Bake for 18-20 mins, until the tops of the wontons are golden brown.

Swiss Health Nut Cereal (granola)

I got this recipe when I was in my teens in May 1989 we made this at church for our Mothers on Mothers Day (my mom didn’t really like it, but I did so I kept making it!), and I cant tell you how many times I have made it since!  And now it’s a favorite of my family!  The first is the version I received many years ago.  Its Vegetarian.  I put the vegan replacements in parenthesis.  I hope you can get as many years of enjoyment out of this recipe as I have!  Its great even for a family who eats meat! I ate this for years as a full fledged Carnivore!  Lol!

Pre heat oven to 390 degrees F

2 cups Quick Cooking Rolled Oats

½ cup Wheat Germ

¼ cup Sesame Seeds (I usually leave these out)

½ cup Flaked Coconut

½ cup Chopped Walnuts (you can use any nuts you prefer)

½ cup Raisins (my husband likes it with Craisens too)

2 Tbls Lightly Packed Brown Sugar

½ cup Honey (I used light Agave)

¼ cup Vegetable Oil (I used Canola Oil)

1 teas Vanilla

Stir all ingredients it will be a bit clumpy, especially if you are using honey, the agave mixes better then the honey does.  Spray a 9 by 11 glass casserole dish, and evenly spread mixture into pan.  Place in oven and bake for 5 mins.  Take it out and stir.  Repeat 2 or 3 more times (total cooking time 15-20 mins for more toasted cooked the extra 5 mins, but its ready and all mixed at 15 mins)

This can easily be doubled.

Before it cools too much, place any left over’s in Tupperware serving sizes.  Once it cools it gets a bit stiff, so having it in serving sized containers make it easy to reheat. You can just put it in a microwave safe bowl and reheat about 20 seconds, make sure to put a wet paper towel on top, to help with the moisture content.

Tortilla Soup

Vegan or Vegetarian Tortilla Soup

Back story: a few years back I went to a church function where they served the most wonderful tortilla soup. I have been on a quest to find a recipe that sounded like what I tasted that night.  Finally I found it! Of course it was once we were trying to eat less meat and both the recipe I had and the one I found had shredded chicken in it and used chicken stock as a base.  So a few tweaks later – here is my Vegan Tortilla Soup, but I added cheese and sour cream … so it’s turned into a vegetarian meal instead. Use vegan shredded cheese or maybe some nutritional yeast on top, and vegan sour cream (do they even make that?) and its back to being vegan again!

Ingredients

• 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
• 1-1/2 teaspoon Cumin
• A few flakes of dried red pepper flakes
• 1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 1 Tablespoon Canola Oil
• 1 cup Diced Onion (I just used a whole Onion)
• 1/4 cup Diced Green Bell Pepper (I used half a bell pepper)
• 1/4 cup Red Bell Pepper (I used half a bell pepper)
• 6 cloves Garlic, Minced
• 1 can Green Chilies
• 1 can diced tomatos
• 32 ounces, fluid Low Sodium Veggie Stock
• 3 Tablespoons Tomato Paste
• 4 cups Hot Water
• 2 cans (15 Oz. Can) Black Beans, Rinsed and Drained
• 3 Tablespoons Cornmeal Or Masa
• 5 whole Corn Tortillas, Cut Into Uniform Strips Around 2 To 3 Inches
• _____
• FOR THE GARNISHES:
• Sour Cream
• Diced Avocado
• Diced Red Onion
• Salsa Or Pico De Gallo
• Grated Monterey Jack Cheese
• Cilantro

Directions

Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a pot over medium high heat. Add onions, red pepper, green pepper, and minced garlic. Stir and begin cooking, then add the rest of the spice mix. Stir to combine.

Pour in Tomatoes, Chilies, veggie stock, tomato paste, water, and black beans. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer. Simmer for 45 minutes, uncovered stirring occasionally.

Mix cornmeal with a small amount of water. Pour into the soup, then simmer for an additional 30 minutes. Check seasonings, adding more if needed---add more chili powder if it needs more spice, and be sure not to undersalt. Turn off heat and allow to sit for 15 to 20 minutes before serving. Five minutes before serving, gently stir in tortilla strips.

Ladle into bowls, then top with sour cream, diced red onion, diced avocado, pico de gallo, and grated cheese, if you have it! The garnishes really make the soup delicious.

Apple Bread Pudding Vegan

This took a VERY long time to make. But it usually takes me longer the first time I make something and the kids are both sick today so I had to deal with sick kids.  In the end it took about 3 hours from start to finish.  I think it was worth it.  This is also the first time I have used Flax seed as an egg re placer.  I was very happy with the outcome – because if I am being honest I was a little weary of it! I found this on the internet and made a few small tweaks.  It tastes as good as the first picture I saw of it! : )

Ingredients for the Apple Bread
2 1/2 cups of whole wheat flour
1 cup of brown sugar
1/4 cup of white granulated sugar
1 tsp of nutmeg
1 tsp of cinnamon
1 tsp backing powder
2 flax eggs ( 2 tbsp of flax seeds + 6 tbsp of water)
1/4 cup of maple syrup (I used Maple flavored Agave)
1/4 cup of soy milk (I used rice milk its better for you then soy)
3/4 cup of applesauce (I used home canned that already had cinnamon in it)
1 apple cored, peeled, and chopped


Ingredients for topping
3 cups of soy milk (again Rice milk)
1 tbsp of cinnamon
1 tsp of all spice
1 tsp of vanilla
1 tbsp of maple syrup (I used Maple flavored Agave)
2 tbsp of sugar
3/4 cup of chopped walnuts (I probably used more then that)

Directions
1) Preheat oven to 350, in a mixing bowl combine all dry ingredients (flour, cinnamon, nutmeg baking powder, and sugars) If you have a kitchen mixer I would use it hear before the apples, and then hand stir the apples in. This batter is thick!
2) In a separate bowl combine together all wet ingredients (apple sauce, vanilla, maple syrup, flax eggs, and soy milk) add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix thoroughly
3) Toss chopped apples in cinnamon and sugar mixture and then fold apples into batter, pour batter into a 9 x 11 in baking pan and bake thoroughly for 30 minutes or until bread is firm and all the way cooked through, let cool for 10 minutes
4) Slice bread into long slices a little bigger than 1 inches in width. Place on a greased baking sheet for an addition 10 minutes (5 on each side to help bread become more firm and dry)
5) Cut bread into cubes about 1 inch thick and place on the bottom on a grease 9 x 13 ” baking sheet, in a side bowl combine ingredients to make bread pudding ( Soy (Rice) milk, vanilla, syrup, walnuts and spices) Pour mixture over bread cubes and let bake for 40 minutes or until the liquid begins to bubble.
6) Remove from heat and let sit (don’t worry if there is still liquid in your pan it will become absorbed once you let the dessert sit.)

ENJOY!

Black Bean and Brown Rice Burgers

Serves 4

2 c cooked black beans cooled

2 c cooked brown rice cooled

1 t garlic powder

1 t onion powder

Take the 2 c black beans and mash them in a bowl.  Add half brown rice, garlic powder, onion powder and stir with a spoon, keep adding rice until the mixture is thick. 

Heat some canola oil in a pan on the stove. Form bean mixture into patties and place into pan for a few mins each side.

Add to your hamburger just like you normally do!  I used whole wheat hamburger buns, mayonnaise (next time I will try Vegonaise – I just bought it at the store today!) mustard (that’s vegan), dark leafy green lettuce, red onions, a slice of cheese (tried soy cheese – NOPE and YUCK!) and a sliced tomato.  Next time I will also add my homemade pickles!

NOTE – I am going to try this with pinto beans and salsa for a more southwestern flavor.

Most beans mixed with rice will be a complete protein.

Black Bean, Rice and Veggie Salad

Serves 6-8

¼ c canola oil (you can use olive oil, canola is healthier)

¼ lime juice

1 t ground cumin

1 ½ c cooked brown rice (or basmati or jasmine) cooled

1 (15oz) can black beans – see note

1 (15 oz) can corn rinsed and drained (use fresh when possible)

1 c finely diced carrots

1 c chopped and seeded tomatoes

¼ c  finely chopped parsley

3 T finely chopped cilantro

¼ c finely chopped red onion

Cook rice according to package directions and cool.  Chop and drain other veggies.  Mix altogether and serve. May be served at room temperature or chilled.  May be made up to one day in advanced and truth be told we like it better on the second day so I recommend this.

NOTE – I cook a HUGE batch of beans and rice and put it in the fridge and then used what I needed to different meals.

My family and I started eating this LONG before we decided to try giving up meat.